We all have that one bibliophile friend whom you ask to borrow a book, and they smile politely and deny sharing their books even for a day. Maybe they offer to buy you your own copy, or direct you to a library.You might end up thinking that a book is rarely just paper and ink; then why are they denying you the chance to share it for just a couple of days?But in reality, these books matter more than just being paper and ink; they carry the date they bought it, the pencil marks from a hard season of life, or the corner they folded down on a train journey that mattered. Lending it can feel like handing over a small piece of their own story.For years, psychologists have delved into the reasons behind it.Let’s see what science has to say.
Refusing to lend a book can look like plain possessiveness. Psychology suggests there may be more going on
Russell Belk’s 1988 paper “Possessions and the Extended Self,” published in the Journal of Consumer Research says, “Our possessions are a major contributor to and reflection of our identities.” Books are a good example. What we read, keep and underline says a lot about us. Belk’s work also looks at how losing possessions unintentionally can weaken a person’s sense of self. So holding on to a book may be a way of protecting a part of oneself.Why do people feel the need for ownership of things?A 2001 study in the Academy of Management Review notes that feelings of ownership can develop when people control something and invest themselves in it. A reader who has spent years choosing and arranging a library may feel this strongly. Saying no is a way to stay in charge of what they have built, and it means far more than just paper and ink.
Personal boundaries and the sting of “infringement”
Researchers in a study published in Academy of Management Review looked at territoriality at work. They found that people can become territorial over spaces, ideas, roles, relationships and other possessions, and use certain behaviours to communicate and maintain those territories. The setting was the workplace, but a polite refusal to lend is a simple way to draw a line.It found that the stronger a person’s sense of ownership, the stronger their reaction when others used or took what they saw as theirs. Someone who feels deeply about their books may simply be avoiding that feeling.