Melinda French Gates could have filled an entire room of her 66,000-square-foot mansion with Hermès Birkin bags, but she chose to draw the line when her eldest daughter Jennifer wanted a flashy purse in a store window.The author and philanthropist, who possesses an estimated $30 billion fortune, used the moment break the cycle of entitlement and privilege that often goes in billionaire households. Her core parenting philosophy relied on one central phrase, which she shared during interviews with Inc. and Bloomberg: “Just because we can doesn’t mean we should.”For Jennifer, Rory and Phoebe Gates, growing up as the children of Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates meant living with extraordinary financial privilege. However, their mother actively prevented that wealth from dictating their identities or cutting them off from reality.
The store window lesson
Melinda refused to buy the luxury handbag so that her daughter could fit in better with the society around her. Melinda recalled the exact exchange when Jennifer spotted the item.“My oldest daughter in particular, I remember there was a purse she saw in a store window she had to have when we went by. She said, ‘But you can buy it for me.’ Of course I could buy it. But I said, ‘If I did, what would that be saying to the other girls in your middle school? Wouldn’t it separate you?’”This rule was not just a fake attempt to act middle-class. Instead, it was a practical lesson in using money wisely, teaching her children that just because you have the money to buy something right away does not mean you should.
An allowance system, pocket money for children
To keep life grounded within their massive estate, which featured a trampoline room and swimming pools, Melinda implemented an allowance system for all three children. The rules dictated that they manage their own basic wants, while any expensive items had to be reserved for Christmas or birthday lists.The allowances were explicitly tied to early philanthropy. The children had to save one-third of their money to give to charities of their choice. To encourage this mindset, their parents doubled whatever amount the children managed to save.Melinda also used her maiden name, French, at school so her children would not receive special treatment because of their famous surname, i.e., Gates.Outside of school, the family focused on experiences that would open the children’s eyes to the real world. Phoebe spent her summers during middle and high school living with a local family in Rwanda. All three children also spent time helping out at local soup kitchens and volunteering with projects for homeless people.
Risks of privilege?
Having limitless money can cause real mental struggles for children. They can easily get trapped on what psychologists call a “hedonic treadmill”, which means they get used to luxury so quickly that expensive things start to feel completely ordinary. Because luxury is all they see, they grow up assuming that this extreme lifestyle is normal for everyone.Melinda noticed that this kind of unearned privilege can pull children away from regular people their own age. It can also damage their self-esteem, especially if they build their entire identity around their parents’ success rather than their own achievements.Living under the shadow of famous and wealthy parents can be difficult. Other rich heirs, such as Abigail Disney and Phoebe Gates, have also spoken about this challenge. Melinda wanted her children to feel proud of who they are because of their own values, hard work, and careers—not because of their family’s wealth.Today, that is reflected in their lives. Jennifer is training to become a children’s doctor (paediatrician), Rory prefers to stay out of the public eye, and Phoebe runs her own fashion startup.
Setting an example
Even small changes in the family’s daily routine affected the people around them. In a 2019 interview with Business Insider, Melinda said that one decision about taking Jennifer to school changed how parents interacted at her kindergarten.Jennifer’s school was far from home and required a long drive. Melinda wanted to wait until Jennifer was older because the daily commute would be tiring. However, Bill Gates wanted her to start school right away.“It was a good drive away from our house. And I was making the argument that there was going to be so many years of driving. Maybe we just wait and put her in that school when she was a little bit older. Bill was really quite adamant that he thought we should start then. And he said, ‘I’ll drive them,’” Melinda told Business Insider.Bill Gates, then the CEO of Microsoft, began driving Jennifer to school several days a week. Shortly after, other mothers informed Melinda that the classroom culture had shifted. After seeing one of the busiest executives in the world driving his child to school daily, other fathers in the community began taking over morning school runs, reshaping family habits across the neighbourhood.
