When children open up, many parents rush straight to advice. “Ignore them.” “Be brave.” “Think positive.” “Why are you worrying so much?” The intention is often helpful. Parents want to fix the problem quickly.
For adults, offering advice often feels like an act of love. Years of life experience make parents believe they can shield their children from disappointment, embarrassment or pain by providing immediate answers. In doing so, however, they sometimes overlook the simple act of listening, which is often the very thing a child is seeking in that moment.
But children do not always need solutions first. They need to feel heard. When every emotional disclosure is met with a lecture or a rescue plan, the child learns that feelings are inconvenient unless they can be solved fast. Eventually, they may decide it is easier not to mention them at all.
